


The Silence in me

by jeremyaintheere



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Edd is canonically an asshole just like the others but especially to Tord, M/M, Matt is Matt. 'Nuff said., Multi, Other, POV Alternating, Spot the chest in this fanfic and you'll win a prize, Why did I start another story, both Tom and Tord are repressed little crybabies and this is a fact I will fight over, but hey we're getting somewhere, oh well look tomtord, slow burn? slow to update more like it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 05:02:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeremyaintheere/pseuds/jeremyaintheere
Summary: They opened their arms to him.They welcomed him home.What did he do?Try to burn everything to the ground.He got what he deserved, and yet...Tom still couldn't say no to him.





	1. Iris

It’s strange, how vulnerable I feel in the silence. I can hear my shallow breathing. I can hear my heart pounding in the darkness. I can hear the smallest of movement in my chest, the flow of air in and out <strike> _ and in and out _ </strike> and my throat constricts, thoughts swirling in my head that shouldn’t be, that shouldn’t take form. I can hear my hands shake. I can hear the slight hum of a fan whirring in Matt’s room, his door shut and locked for the night. He and Edd were sound asleep in their rooms. It’s no bother, though. I enjoy the dark at night. I enjoy the cold, reminding me of homes in my past. I enjoy the stars outside. 

But not the silence <strike> _ not the silence not the silence _ </strike> _ . _

A small noise to my right. I flick my gaze over, but nothing's there. Maybe Ringo wanted to see the stars too. I sneak out of bed and tiptoe to the door, turning the cold knob gently to avoid waking Edd. He has work to do tomorrow. But the door groans anyway as I peek out the doorway, scanning the halls for Edd’s cat. She mews just down the hall, next to the bathroom. I carefully step over to her and pick her up, resulting in the little ball of fur snuggling into my chest and purring rhythmically. _ Cute kitty. _

I tend to get cravings on nights when I can’t sleep, so I went to the kitchen. _ A quick bowl of cereal should do the trick _ , I think as I pet Ringo for comfort. The kitchen is silent, sending uncomfortable shivers down my spine. I walk barefoot on the cold tiles, traversing the kitchen and humming softly to keep my mind at ease. <strike>(</strike> <strike> _ One small bowl one spoon two three four steps five harpoons but only one pierces the shell.) _ </strike> I remember Edd and Matt telling me I’m smarter than I think, but it’s only now that I’m counting the milliseconds it takes to pour cereal that I begin to believe it. Ringo relaxes on my shoulder now, holding on to me for balance with her fluffy little paws. Just in case she might fall off anyway, I gently pluck her from my shoulder and place her on the kitchen counter. She mews softly at me, always staring at me in curiosity. 

Such a sweet little cat, curious like Edd. I always enjoyed Ringo’s company-

A noise.

_ A tap _

_ On _

_ The window _

I freeze, because it’s been awhile since something <strike> _ traumatizing _ </strike> new has happened and my mind races with the possibilities- 

Another tap. My legs move instinctively, inching closer to the window despite the increasing dread and chills in my spine. Since it’s pitch dark outside, I can’t see anything out there. 

Then

_ Eyes _

_ Mismatch eyes _

Staring back at me and I flinch from the intense gaze already rendering me frozen in place. Then a small notebook page, white against the dark, pressed against the window. It read _ Please open the window. I swear I mean no harm. I’m unarmed _ . If I squinted just enough, I could imagine the pair of eyes were familiar… wait, what? _ Of course not. _

I place a palm on the glass as if testing if it’ll shatter against my touch. It doesn’t, but my heart is still pounding and the glass is freezing cold. I take a risk and open the window just an inch, enough for sound to reach the space between the figure and I. 

“Tom, I need to get something <strike> _ I left behind _ </strike> from inside the house. It’s really important… Please, let me in.” The voice that came from the figure had a thick accent. Norwegian. Now I _ really _ must be delusional. The only person with that voice went missing after nearly killing me and my friends. The owner of that voice was gone, already out of our lives. He wouldn’t come back thinking _ I _ of all people would let him into the house, with a _ blatantly obvious _ lie that I’ve heard before. That would be stupid of him. 

_ <strike>But then why does he sound so close so close too close</strike> _

“What are you doing here? You’re not welcome here on our property. _ Get lost. _” The words escape my mouth before I can think. An audible sigh comes from the unwelcome visitor. 

“I mean it, Tom. This is really important, I swear I’m not trying to kill anyone. I just need-”

I flicked on a nearby light switch and instantly regretted it. The entire right half his face was burned from the incident, his once soft <strike>_and handsome_</strike> face ruined. The whites of his eyes were now reddish, and his gaze snapped downwards seconds later. Where he used to have twin rubies in those eyes of his, now one was hidden behind an eyepatch. _Shame_, that’s what his expression read. Shame and regret. An ache blossomed in my chest, coming from somewhere past my ribcage. <strike>_W_</strike>_<strike>here there should be a gaping hole.</strike> _

“_ Why _ did you come back here, Tord?” I said, trying to keep my voice down so Edd and Matt aren’t disturbed from sleep. “What other reason would you have for coming back? Is there some other weapon you plan on sneaking out from the boxes that were in your <strike> _ secret lab _ </strike> old room?” I was well aware of the level of hurt in my voice and found Ringo curling around my ankles, which to a degree was reassuring. 

“Listen, I... It’s a long story. Please, I don’t have any weapons on me. You can see for yourself, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Just let me in.” His gaze drifted to mine with hesitation. That gaze, it begged for me to believe him. _ I know him like I know my own mind; he wants to come back home. _

_ But... _

“What’s with the eyepatch?” I asked him, something about it seemed to throw me off. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, not when one of those telling eyes were hidden behind it. He sighed and slowly pulled off the eyepatch, and my lungs seized- 

_ Red and silver _

_ Mismatch _

_ Heterochromia _ _iridum_

<strike> _ Those impossible eyes see right through me, don't they? _ </strike>

A shaky sigh was all I could manage to keep my guard up and face composed. “...Fine, but the second I see any funny business I’m getting the harpoons.” An empty threat, but he took it at face value. I could see the anxiety pent up in his eyes, unsure if I’ll snap at any moment. _ This is what guilt and fear look like, put together. _I shook out of my daze and went to the back door, unlocking it but hesitating to open it. 

“Tom, _ please. _ I swear I’m not planning anything. Honest. I’ll defuse the self-destruct mechanism and leave, honest.” My hand was shaking where I held the doorknob. If I open this door, I’d be letting in all the trauma and heartbreak I’d shut out since he left. I’d be letting him hurt me with memories; with the things he made me feel. 

However

<strike> _ I’d have him back _ </strike>

_ I could tell by the strain in his voice. _

He’s sorry. He wants a second chance.

A fresh start. _ Forgiveness. _

I felt Ringo’s fluffy paw on my ankle, as if guiding my decision. 

I opened the door, and he fell into my arms. 

He broke into a quiet sob. 


	2. Deep Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn't be here. God, he knows what trouble it'd bring them.   
But how can you stay away from the place you once called home?
> 
> He just hopes Paul and Patryck won't notice him gone.

<strike> _G_ _ od how I missed him.  _ </strike>

It’s been so long since I’ve gazed into those  <strike> _ endless jet black depths for _ </strike> eyes, the perpetual scowl I reminisced about for far too many restless nights. I was tired of playing the role of Red Leader. I just wanted  <strike> _ to be with him again _ </strike> to start all over again, and wipe the blood off my hands. 

_ Was that too much to ask? _

I slipped away from Sector 7 where I remained in hiding with Paul and Patryk- along with the rest of my army. I didn’t risk getting caught by the police, so I walked the whole 35 miles down to Edd’s old neighborhood via alleyways and backstreets- only to remember I destroyed their home, and that they moved downtown. The long walk was worth it in the end. 

I thought of trying to break in again, but that only made me feel guilty for  <strike> _ ruining their lives _ </strike> trespassing last time so I opted for checking the windows to see if maybe someone was awake inside. From the moment I set out I knew who I hoped to see, and it wasn’t long before I found him. 

Tom was in the kitchen, thoughtfully stroking a grey-striped tabby in nothing but his ska tee and dark blue boxers. He looked tired, but alert. <strike>_Exactly like how I remembered him_</strike> _ . _ I spotted a back door. I could convince him to let me in. A window nearby was my means of getting his attention. An idea came to mind as I quickly pulled out a small red notepad and a pen, scribbling a message despite the lack of moonlight. Knowing Tom, he wouldn’t just open the door and welcome me like I was  <strike> _ the light of his life _ </strike> his friend. I wouldn’t have cared  _ before _ , but now… 

I inspected my written message. _Please open the window. I mean no harm._ _I’m unarmed. _

<strike> _ Would he really believe that after what I did? _ </strike>

I tapped lightly on the window. 

Tom freezes mid-stroke and his eyes darted around the room with an expression I’ve never seen before. My heart plummets to my stomach. I tap again, and his gaze locked on the window frame I’m standing at, but I don’t think he sees me yet. He places the cat down and comes closer. I gently press the notebook into the cold glass so he can read the message.  Confusion registers in his face, and he tries to look at me through the dark. Tt seems he recognizes me enough because he places a palm to the glass for a moment and opens the window and says- 

“What are you doing here? You’re not welcome onto our property.” 

I take in a sharp breath upon hearing his voice; it sounds _exactly_ the same as it did back then. I try to maintain my composure. Quick, make up an excuse before you miss your chance-

“Tom, I need to get something from inside the house. Please let me in.” There were better things I could've said, but I at least got his attention.  It takes a bit of persuasion and evading his questions, but I eventually make progress until he flicks on a light and I stiffen, my gaze snapping to the ground beneath me. I can feel him staring, taking in every seared and scarred detail.  <strike> _ Every inch of shame made permanent on my skin. _ </strike>

“Why did you come back here, _Tord?_” Tom’s voice was quiet, but strained. “What other reason would you have for coming back? Is there some other weapon you plan on sneaking out from the boxes that were in your  old room?” His voice was strained, as if he was trying to hold back the pain of what I’d done. Like many other times before, I begin to tell myself in my head that I deserved to burn, I deserved everything I got and I deserve to have him slam the window and send me back where I belong, back to the hell I’m running from. 

But 

He opens the door. 

_ He opened the door. _

_ A second chance. _

<strike> _ He forgives me _ </strike>

I nearly threw myself in his arms and my feelings got the better of me. I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming out of me and for a moment he was completely shocked by it all. I was unlike me to cry like this in front of others, but I didn’t care. He still smells the same as I remembered, like vodka and rain. I was enamored with it; I missed everything about this begrudging Brit and his bitter attitude. His voice was the same familiar and soothing voice, the one I couldn’t get out of my head. “Uh... Tord..?” He gently pulled me in the house, shutting the back door behind us. 

<strike> _ Finally, home again. _ </strike>

Pulling up a chair from the kitchen island, Tom offers me a seat and I gratefully accept it. He looked  <strike> _ utterly perplexed _ </strike> shocked upon seeing this new side of me. Shaking. Nervous. Crying before him. Half of my face burned from the robot explosion, an eyepatch covering up my faded eye because it was still healing and wouldn't regain sight for another month or two. He didn’t know what to say at first, so he went to the counter across from me where he had apparently left his cereal, turning soggy from the milk. The cat I saw through the window eyed me curiously from the counter top.

“Er… you want anything for breakfast..? Coffee or something..?” It was the  most genuine gesture I’d ever seen from him, him offering to make me coffee. I could tell he felt awkward and had a million questions, all things considered. I sniffled and nodded, trying to wipe away my tears while he quietly prepared a coffee pot. Come to think of it, I never saw them in possession of a coffee pot before.  _ Maybe they got it from Goodwill or something.  _

“So… why are you  _ really _ here? And … why’d you cry?” He filled the coffee pot with water and set it to boil on the kitchen stove. It was then that I realized that I never really took in the details when I was looking into the house from outside. This new home had much more space, and their furniture was all new. They still had mementos from their old house decorating the place though. The kitchen and living room ran as one whole room, and there was a big table in the space transitioning between them. The kitchen counters were polished granite, and the floor was tile in a soft beige hue. 

“I-I… needed to come home. I’m sorry,” I let out a breath of sadness I didn’t realize I was holding. “I-I was just homesick, I’m so sorry for-”

“ _ Bullshit, Tord. _ ” I snapped my gaze from the floor to Tom. He was glaring coldly at me, but his eyes betrayed his sadness. “We both know you were more than ready to kill me and the others for getting in your way. You've _always_ had ulterior motives. Now I’ll ask again-” 

“I was cornered!” I blurted out. His expression didn't waver, but he did wait for me to explain myself. “I... didn’t think you’d be home; I was hoping to just take the robot and leave you guys out of my mess, b-but you were there, and I was backed in a corner. My reasons for even  _ needing _ the robot had nothing to do with you guys...” This new information made a look of interest flashed across Tom’s features. “I didn’t _want_ to hurt you guys, but when I’m cornered I do stupid, messed up things. And I can't stop thinking about how _horrible_ I was that day _ . _ ” I returned my gaze to the floor. Tears slid down my cheeks as silence formed a wall between us. Tom sighed, going back to the stove to turn off the burner as he poured a cup of coffee, setting it on the counter close to me. I kept muttering  _ I’m sorry _ over and over; my guilt and regret have the worst way of controlling me and  _ taking over everything  _ _ and I know this is all my fault because I shouldn’t have hurt them to begin with- _

A hand wipes away my tears.

_ Tom’s hand. _

_ I dare to look up _

_ And his eyes capture mine _

_ That starless void of eyes that contained worlds within them _

“It… It’s alright, commie. I can’t hate you  _ forever _ , you know.” Tom’s arms wrap around me in a warm embrace  _ and I can feel my heart beating like it wants to run away but I don’t wanna run anymore not from this not from him not anymore _

“I don’t want to keep going like this Tom… I wanna come back home. I hate who I’ve become, I wanna go back to being friends and belonging again.” The truth slipped past my lips, and I buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in his comforting scent. I could feel my body shaking, his firm grip around me, as if I might shatter if he let go. I could tell his heart was racing; mine seemed to be catching up with his, to match his pounding heartbeats. He pulled away reluctantly, giving me one more look to make sure I won’t break down again, before pulling up a chair to sit beside me. 

“Tell me, commie… where were you all this time?  _ How have you not been caught by the authorities yet? _ ” He asked, his cereal forgotten for the time being. It didn’t seem like he was hungry anymore. 

“I was hiding in a military base a few miles away from our old home. I couldn’t think of a way to fix all the damage I’ve caused, so Paul and Pat-  _ my second in command _ \- they said it’d be best to lay low for a bit. I got extremely homesick, and the pain was too much to bear. I had to come back.” Tom’s curiosity sparked upon the mention of my second in command, but he didn’t say anything. “They don’t know I’m gone, so I guess I’ll have some explaining to do when they find me.” 

“Wait, so your bodyguards don’t know you left? Don’t you think that’s  _ kinda _ concerning??” Tom blurted, suddenly looking from me to the back door as if Paul would come bursting in at any moment, thick eyebrows and all. I let out a soft chuckle, Tom looked cute when anxious. 

“Calm down, they’re sleeping at the moment. They won’t notice I’m gone until morning. Besides, by then I’ll be back to explain that I’m going home, and will be declaring myself MIA.”


End file.
